A charming theory|
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|Saturday, June 13th, 2009|
|I found it in the trash.
ob iram memorem
I miss your hard edges
I miss your bone marrow
I miss having coffee in bed, reading
raw palms and
Let all moments go down
on you. We'll sleep tomorrow.
If it can be touched,
then it can be turned.
The ink stains
on his fingers
told me he was good.
|Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009|
The phone cut off. Our hero was dead for sure. His last words: Even if I die, the fight must live on. Go! Stop him!
I ran. The giant was rampaging through the mega-subway. I ran. I saw Sarah Colangelo, and with no time to waste, grabbed her and dragged her along. I had lived this before, and I knew explanation was useless. I arrived at the station just in time to see it start.
One hundred feet tall, and filmed in a dark, jerky hand-held camera style, he started destroying. He threw people and their bodies fell with a sickening crunch. Panic ensued.
Then the impossible happened, something that not even our hero in his worst nightmare would have expected. In rolled an impossible large sphere made of dark metal. It wasn't just one destruction robot, it was the entire cellblock G from that infamous prison. It opened like a bristling battle ship and the human annihilation force spewed out. There was no escape. The sphere was not here to stop the giant, it was just a coincidence that these two destructive entities should meet.
I ran. I sprinted past people being torn limb from limb by the robots with ten foot clamps for hands. I had made it past the sphere and kept running. If I could make it to the police line there was hope. Our hero couldn't be dead, I knew it. He would save us. No one else could.
I ran towards the line, and, right before I reached it, a police-bot, simple doing his cartoony duty, not realizing the seriousness of the situation, stopped me. I reached out to a person behind the line. I had a grip, and was almost safe, when the police-bot was pulled back and was crushed unceremoniously under the foot of one of the criminal robots from cellblock G. There was no safety here.
[Saves the day]
|Monday, January 12th, 2009|
I just feel so disconnected from all the social groups that I was cemented in last term. I feel like I'm just drifting from place to place with no real home. I no longer have a bed to sleep in in Post, and no one comes to my room in Snu, so it really just seems like a place to store my stuff. I'm unfocused and scattered. Last term everything was certain, well defined, and frankly, pretty great. The prospects of this term look bleak, cold, lonely, and disconnected from everyone I love.
[And I thought I had found PGL-414]
|Friday, December 19th, 2008|
The car careened off the cliff and into the water. The occupants, one male and one female, got out and started swimming.
"There they are," she said "the temple of femininity and the temple of eternal happiness."
They swam around the shore until they could find a point to climb up towards the huge limestone temple with large minarets surrounding it. They walked up the huge steps to a grand door. The girl knocked, and a small door opened on the side and let her in. I waited a while and noticed that the eyes of a great beast awaited behind the door. It was Satan, but I was willing to take my chances. After willfully ignoring the real way to get in so that I could poke Satan in the eye a few times the small door opened for me as well.
A small living room with several people inside appeared to be the main room of the temple of eternal happiness. Everything was indulgent and highly charged, although from time to time parents, or grandparents of members would walk in and ruin everything. I realized that if we wanted real happiness we had to get out before things got much worse. We waited until a particularly grouchy pair of grandparents open the door to leave and we bolted. We exited a small white rundown house. We found ourselves on the porch, and we hid behind the door because we couldn't run far. Satan emerged from the little screen door, now all but broken. He said that it would be much worse out there, as it wasn't the world that we had left.
From in the distance we could see rows of dark houses, all in various states of dissarray. But this world had to be better. So, hand in hand we ran. We came across locals who were quite hostile. Some man started harrasing us, and pushing me. Then a poorly dressed police officer, wearing a white tank top and carrying a nightstick walked up and demanded to know what was going on. I explained the situation, but the cop advanced on us and not the hooligan. A mob was forming. The cop threw his nightstick at us, hoping I would pick it up, thus justifying a mass beating, as I would have been armed.
Just then, the sounds of a squeeky bike covered the sounds of shouts and jeers from the crowd. It dispersed quickly. Down the street came about 5 bikes seating 6 people, all of them making a terrible racket. Most of them were female, and they just stopped and looked at us. I asked if they were evil too, they said no, and as they were threatening to kill us, I decided to take their word. Both of us got on the back of one of the tandem bikes and we were off.
We winded through the aisles of a grocery store until we got to some haning fabric blocking off the back rooms. Eveything looked sterile and yet cobbled together. This was the resistance. They didn't let me up tot he second level which comtained a lot of important secrets, but I was just happy that both me and my companion got out of that world safely. I asked a large black woman doing laundry how they get food around here. She told me that no apples are being picked, the only corn they can get is from the donkeys down the road, and that they're running low. I said that I had good news and pulled out a large supply of candy from my bag. I knew it wasn't much, but I was hopeful. We could resist. We could survive.
[Driving a small car]
|Monday, September 1st, 2008|
I knew that my Dad had been a Fiji, but I didn't know that my Grandfather was a TKE, and my uncle was a Beta.
I have connections with pretty much every frat on campus but Sigma Nu.
Driving up to find a family union except with everyone being years younger, and everyone still alive. Then recounting this to dream friends and crying.
A big scene in a gymnasium, with a bunch of people handing in tickets to win something. Also winter clothes.
Driving through the dark, as dark shapes cross the road. We stop. A large black dog in the road. I tell the driver to honk.
Driving through a French city looking for the old part of town, a fortress perhaps. We ask around, and people say in hushed voices that it's past the industrial district on the edge of town.
As if to disguise it's own filth most of the rough walls in the industrial district are painted hospital green. It's chipping off. Small, compartment-like houses scare me, as the possibly of vagrants rise. Although they're in the impressionist style, and not very practical. Form rather than function, in a district where function usually dominates.
At a certain point we can see out of the district into a green field with sheep grazing, and deer jumping. I appreciate the contrast.
Then a stain of blood at the edge of the water as a huge ancient saber-toothed crocodile slinks back into the pristine blue lake. A four legged owl comes by and drops one of its offspring in the arms of one of my friends, it's pretty cute for being a genetic experiment.
Back at the lab I ask one of the scientists who supposedly worked on this "nature reserve." He refuses to tell me anything about it, for fear that the monsters contained within will get loose. It's called L'O Sae________ or Le Se_______ I'm not sure. But after a few Google searches I find a picture of a large ornate viking ship, and I know I've found it.
He begs me not to go, that the government will kill me if I get to close.
I ignore him, in true X-files style and get in my car, I feel more like Fox Mulder all the time.
He's trying to get into the car to stop me, so I lock my doors, and have a premonition to roll up my windows. Sure enough, genetically engineered killer bees sent by the people trying to keep L'O Sae_______ a secret, swarm, fill up my garage, and leave the former scientist (I believe he owns a greenhouse these days) covered in horrible wounds. He's dead. I drive.
|Sunday, August 10th, 2008|
I'm currently watching a show called "This Week in Agribuissness."
Their top story was about a group of Pork producers going on tour to apparantly raise awareness that Pork exists.
Who says theres no good TV?
|Friday, August 8th, 2008|
Summer is nearing completion, and I can't say I'm sad about that.
I'm going to be trying the 28 hour day this week. We'll see how it goes.
I convinced my family to work on puzzles again. We did a bunch of puzzles when I as a kid, but we've haven't done any recently. So I got out a huge 3000 piece puzzle out. It's 1.2 meters by 0.8 meters. Biggest Puzzle I've ever done. We have most of the edge done.
My cousins are finally gone, so I get to sleep in my room again. My 11 year old cousin Nathalie (formerly Natasha) is the one of the nicest, most polite, easiest to talk to person I've met of any age. Her 13 year old sister, Maria, is an obnoxious, loud, troubled, bossy child who tried to steal things from us when she left.
I'm going to be glad to go back to school, no doubt, but it's going to be interesting to see how things work out. I have some letters to write. I just feel like home is a temporary place where I set up for a while between being at school, my room is just a place to pack and unpack.
Which kind of makes it fitting that there's a chance we may sell our house soon. Apparently some Realtors are looking to buy the entire corner of 21st and Rock. We don't know how serious they are, but my parents are having a meeting with one of them tomorrow.
I haven't been reading enough this summer. I've already read more than last summer, as I'm currently standing at a book and a half. I'm hoping to get at least three read by the end. I'm hoping this 28 hour day thing will allow me more reading time. It'll allow me to squeeze another 2-6 hours out of everyday. That's a good thing, right?
|Friday, July 4th, 2008|
Lamest 4th of July ever.
As I've grown up Holidays mean less and less to me. I recall the December before last, while going about my daily activities I was surprised to learn that the next day was to be Christmas eve. All anticipation of the holidays is gone, and I had not even realized that it was so close to Chirstmas, I suppose it came from a lack of watching general media and/or the fact that I suck at buying presents, so I usually don't.
The only reason I remembered Christmas last year is because I had that day off work.
Things I am looking forward to:
Getting a ukulele
Diablo 3 (although not for a while)
Going back to school.
That last one most of all. As my cousin Dana (who is home from college for the weekend) said: "I just thought being back home would be a little
more exciting than this."
It's also weird to think about how the school dynamic is going to be different when we all head back. What will be different? Will people be able to be cool without being my friend? A horrific thought.
[Sorry, I had to]
I'm thinking of buying a ukulele.
But I don't know if I want a tenor or a concert uke.
|Saturday, June 28th, 2008|
It has been said that in the end of all things, we would find a new beginning.
But as the shadow once again crawls across our world, and the stench of terror drifts on a bitter wind, the people pray for strength and guidance when they should pray for the mercy of a swift death.
For I have seen what the darkness hides.
[And the Heavens Shall Tremble]
|Sunday, June 22nd, 2008|
I had a dream last night that I had gone back to Knox. I was very confused though, because Summer had been very short (I wasn't upset, just confused). I realized that the fourth of July hadn't even happened yet and we were in school again. I liked it.
I watched a couple episodes of Mad About You
on TVLand last night. That was a great show, and I have to say that Paul from that television show has been a role model to me, and has been a major source of my ideas on love and marriage. I think I could do much worse than to emulate him.Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
|Tuesday, June 17th, 2008|
I feel a helluva lot more responsible than I ever have.
I honestly feel that my moment of clarity on May the 16th at around 8:30 was a life changing experience, whose fulls effects have yet to be felt. I feel like I've hit a milestone and I'm charging ahead in life. It's kind of scary, but also really focusing.
Today was spent mainly going through some stuff in my living room with my mother getting rid of old videocassettes, tapes, CD's and the like. Tomorrow I'm gonna trim some branches and work on the living room some more. I plan on getting rid of a bunch of the crap we've accumulated over the years. I also feel like I'm doing that to myself too. I've always been someone who got really attached to things.
Object permanence I called it. Object store memories and store part of yourself in them, and by throwing them away I felt that you were throwing away parts of yourself. I still believe in this, but now for some reason I find it so much easier to do. This summer I'm getting get rid of a lot of old baggage and start to form myself into what I want to become.
Although I still wish I were back at Knox.
|Sunday, June 15th, 2008|
I've been downloading a bunch of odd experimental music/field recordings lately (around 30GB worth), but my favorite thing so far is an album by Electroteque called Field Recordings Vol I: Fossil Fueled Transportation. Mainly it's a bunch of recordings of trains, train stations, and airports. It's the most soothing thing I can listen to these days.
I think because it reminds me of Knox.
[Hanging on for Hope.]
|Friday, June 13th, 2008|
I think I've figured out one reason why I don't get anything useful done at home. I am most productive between the hours of 10 and 2, during which the rest of my family is asleep, so I can't really do anything that makes noise. Oh well.
I'm terrified. I hope everything works out, because if it doesn't, I'll be killed.
[Inside and out]
"we need to make up story," he said, as he held his pistol up to the oncoming dinosaurs in the underground passage.
"Yea, something ridiculous, but something that'll make the rescue workers come," I reply hopefully.
*bang bang* A raptor down. *bang bang* another unidentifiable, but still dangerous looking dinosaur down, only a diplodocus*(see note) left.
"Hey, we could say there's a rampaging diplodocus on the loose!" he chortles.
I laugh in reply. *bang bang* The diplodocus keeps coming. *bang bang* suddenly this has all become less funny. The diplodocus, with one swoop, disembowels my friend, making the probably empty pistol fly well out of reach.
I run. I make it through the heavy steel basement door. That should buy me a considerable amount of time.
Voiceover: Man didn't develop thumbs until very late in the game, evolutionarily. But sometimes, evolution can provide a benefit to a a species with little else. This is how the diplodocus got thumbs."
I hear that door open behind me, even though I had locked it.
I keep running, up flights and flight of stairs, locking every door behind me, and every door I can find.
I finally make it up to the top floor, our safehouse, kind of an office type place.
I let a few African American gentlemen in before I close the door.
SLAM, the D's face smashes up against the small reinforced glass window. I am taken aback but realize that I have to lock it quick. I do. There is a second door immediately after the one I just locked, and I close and lock that one too. I run back through the front room of the safehouse, but when I notice a raptor reading a Newspaper, I'm confident that I'm not going to die.
A Raptor could totally take a diplodocus.
*(Note: in the original, the dinosaur in question was called a diplodocus, althgough in reality it was a mixture between an Iguanodon but with the head of a Parasaurolphous)
I also always have dreams not that I can fly, but that I can stay in the air, hovering almost, for a while. it's like if I keep moving my legs gravity doesn't effect me as much. I can't keep it up forever, and I need to keep focusing on it, and it's usually only a few feet off the ground, but it's fun to play around with. I've had so many dreams with this, sometimes I think that I can do it in real life.
To be perfectly honest, I've tried it a couple times. For some reason I can't get the hang of it when not in my own head.
Also, apparently Maddie is an amateur racecar driver, and had won some sort of cool award. Obviously, she's pretty good at it.
[Flowers on a bedpost]
|Thursday, June 12th, 2008|
Confirmed Tornado within some miles of my house.
When people from elsewhere stay here and a Tornado Warning comes up and the Sirens blare, they get all worried. It's amusing actually. We get a couple a year, and it's no big deal.
[Time has no meaning in Tibet, and neither does the word taco-riffic]
|Wednesday, June 11th, 2008|
I think I may finally understand what it means when they say "the fear of God."
I never got it before, if God is all loving, what is there to fear, is it because he's really powerful, but than that would be respect, not fear.
But I think I get it now.
When you Love (with a capital L) something, you, by necessity, have to fear it. You realize that you need this thing or person, and can't live without it. You realize that with a flick of a wrist or a few choice words this person could utterly destroy you, inside and out. You fear God, the same way you fear a loved one, you know that without them, you would fall. Because of this these people have power over you, full power. Although in true love, when both parties are involved, both parties have full power over the other, and as such, the entire situation becomes infinitely recursive (I have power over you, but you have power over me, therefore I have power over me, but so do you, etc.), and thus you become one being with power over, not one another, but what has now become yourself.
I've realized as of late that I Love Knox; Maybe it's the people, the place, the atmosphere, but it doesn't really matter. I just know that even any threat of withholding Knox from me fills me with a primal terror, from which I see no recourse save for complete isolation and collapse.
I fear God, like I fear Knox.
[is this what is meant by PGL-414?]
|Monday, June 9th, 2008|
Well, I'm home.
The atmosphere at home is a lot more high-strung than the ambiance at Knox, and I already miss it.
It looks probable that I am, indeed, going to be working at Kohls all summer, which won't be too bad. It's air conditioned and even enjoyable from time to time.
I think that everyone in life needs something to look forward to, or else frustration and lassitude creep in, I think that's one of the problems in my household, no one really has anything to look forward to in the future, at least not in the near future except work and more frustration.
At least I have Pitchfork and going back to school, and I know that no matter how much this summer sucks, it'll be over in three months, and then I'm back to learning incredible things about the universe.
Now, a story:
In 1898, during the Spanish-American war the USS Charleston came up to the Spanish fortress at Guam and fired upon it. The Spanish governor there then thanked the ship for the salute, and ask for gunpowder so that he could return the honor, as their supplies were gone. The man had no idea they were at war.
[Where is my mind?]